You noticed how I faked like a woman...
I wish you had noticed the breaking down like a little girl...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Chitrangada rajkumaari...kaman na jaani...
I want a daughter. My own daughter. Conceived and nurtured in my own flesh and blood, in my womb.
But it is not enough for me to wish and desire and crave her. I need a man.
Somebody who might be kind enough to consent to parent her. Suiting his time, will, whim and fancy.
The irony!
I feel mad at such despondence, such helplessness.
I can adopt, I am told. I can, of course. But I don't want to! I do not want to be robbed of that beautiful experience of being a mother. Of becoming one. Biologically. Physically. Emotionally.
I do not wish to create her using someone's jerked-off expendable, either. I want to create her with the man I love, whom I choose to create her with. But why do I have to wait for when he may graciously do me that 'favour'?
Isn't there a third option?
I think there is. It is called having a love-child.
But do I have the guts to do what I want, defying what 10,000 other people don't? Do I want my Chitrangada badly enough?
...
But it is not enough for me to wish and desire and crave her. I need a man.
Somebody who might be kind enough to consent to parent her. Suiting his time, will, whim and fancy.
The irony!
I feel mad at such despondence, such helplessness.
I can adopt, I am told. I can, of course. But I don't want to! I do not want to be robbed of that beautiful experience of being a mother. Of becoming one. Biologically. Physically. Emotionally.
I do not wish to create her using someone's jerked-off expendable, either. I want to create her with the man I love, whom I choose to create her with. But why do I have to wait for when he may graciously do me that 'favour'?
Isn't there a third option?
I think there is. It is called having a love-child.
But do I have the guts to do what I want, defying what 10,000 other people don't? Do I want my Chitrangada badly enough?
...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Wishlist
1. Camera
2. Trip to Himachal/ Arunachal/ Nabadweep
3. Home.
My home. With white walls. And one red wall with a black and white Picasso mounted on it.
4. Daughter.
And a doggy. Same age. Piku-Jhoru will be there as supervising, overseeing, seniors.
2. Trip to Himachal/ Arunachal/ Nabadweep
3. Home.
My home. With white walls. And one red wall with a black and white Picasso mounted on it.
4. Daughter.
And a doggy. Same age. Piku-Jhoru will be there as supervising, overseeing, seniors.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Madhumaash!
Naam Nawborrha.
Boyesh, chobbish theke tirish er moddhye.
Thhikana, kolkata shahore natun khaat-paalonko-dressing table ey shajano, nichu ceiling er chhotto jhawkjhawke mosaic floor er flat!
Singapore, Malaysia, Bangkok-Pattaya ancholei, gawdogawdo 'showamir' haat ey jhuley porey, 'sight-seeing dekhte' ebawng 'shopping kinte'i shesh dyakha gechhilo.
Haariye jaowaar shamaye pawrone chhilo 'jeans er pant', ebawng khnaaje khnaje bhnaaje bhnaaje lepte thaaka "top", shorire shohager spawsto chinho jaate spawstotawro hoe phute othhe. Shnithite chhilo bhawra shnidur, dui haat bhorti shnaakha-pawla-ityaadi, ebawng gawlay kaalojirer mato jhilmil kawra mongol-shutro.
Niruddesshyo shamparke ghoshona ti shamapto holo.
Boyesh, chobbish theke tirish er moddhye.
Thhikana, kolkata shahore natun khaat-paalonko-dressing table ey shajano, nichu ceiling er chhotto jhawkjhawke mosaic floor er flat!
Singapore, Malaysia, Bangkok-Pattaya ancholei, gawdogawdo 'showamir' haat ey jhuley porey, 'sight-seeing dekhte' ebawng 'shopping kinte'i shesh dyakha gechhilo.
Haariye jaowaar shamaye pawrone chhilo 'jeans er pant', ebawng khnaaje khnaje bhnaaje bhnaaje lepte thaaka "top", shorire shohager spawsto chinho jaate spawstotawro hoe phute othhe. Shnithite chhilo bhawra shnidur, dui haat bhorti shnaakha-pawla-ityaadi, ebawng gawlay kaalojirer mato jhilmil kawra mongol-shutro.
Niruddesshyo shamparke ghoshona ti shamapto holo.
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